|Subject:||morning of April 10|
Back in Konoha, safe and...well, more or less in one piece. Still feverish, but I stopped at the hospital on the way back in and got a couple IVs and most of the infection burned out of my hip. Only had to listen to half an hour's lecture, too. Spent most of the time half-asleep and still walked out with a new set of bandages and a bottle of painkillers. Also still got a low-grade fever, but the medic said I can sleep that off. (He also said it's too bad you can't treat stupidity the same way, so I set him straight about how this last mission I was a hero.) Made a couple stops on the way back to HQ, but I got my bed now and I think I may stay here for the next week.
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Yeah, the soldier-pill crash is kicking in, too. So I guess the medic might've been right about that part of "stupid."
Katsuko, thanks for doing the report. Hope you like the flowers.
I missed my birthday. First year in--hell, years--I would've been able to do somethin' about it, and would you believe I forgot? Turned out okay anyways, seeing as the day of I got to be a hero and the next morning I got laid.
Probably better than it would've been if I'd hung around here, anyway.
Dude, tonight I got a shower. It was awesome. Clones are more useful than you'd think, especially if you're smart enough to make 'em with two good knees instead of one bad one. Although I think the guy who came into the showers after me got a little confused.
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Just for the record, if I were having sex with myself, I sure wouldn't do it in a public shower.
Pakkun brought the maintenance guy by Kakashi's apartment before I left.
Found me sleeping on the floor, actually. If you've never been woken up by a pug yelling in your ear, you haven't lived. I think whoever's supplying HQ with spare doors is getting filthy rich at the expense of our blood, 'cause there's no way one door should be worth as much as two A-rank mission bonuses. Kakashi's school-marm neighbor came by while we were arguing about it. He seemed pretty pleased.
And Kakashi slept through the whole thing.
|Subject:||Not Dead Yet!|
Out of the hospital, again. For the second time in, what, a month? The doctor who signed my charts told me he'll personally smash my other knee if they see me in here again before three months are up.
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Since I've got a check-up next week, I figure we'll just end up playing Hospital Hide-and-Seek.
Got snagged by an Intel agent just about two minutes after I staggered into HQ, so I spent the morning filling in the edges of all the questions Intel didn't ask me in the hospital. Wasted the rest of the day doing nothing much. Kakashi gave me a dog. It's got ears bigger than its body, which is about the size of my spread hand.
That isn't much of an exaggeration. He says it's a guard dog. I'm pretty sure the morphine messed up his brain. Guard rat, maybe? Mostly it chews my shirts and barks whenever someone walks by the door. I threw a crutch at it when it tried eating one of my Shuriken Force tees, but the Vertical Limit one is rags. You owe me a shirt, Kakashi. And a concert or something, for sentimental value.
Tried sleeping. Didn't manage it very well. Can't shower, either--can't stand without leaning on something; I'm thinking they pinched a nerve or cut my chakra coils or something so I wouldn't strain it while it's healing, 'cause I definitely don't remember being this weak last time. Hopefully it'll heal better. I think I can stand looking out the window to see if it's raining, instead of having my knee tell me.
Got dinner in the cafeteria, but Morimoto-san wasn't in and I didn't feel much like talking, anyway. Got a lot of weird looks. I bet it was the rat-dog. It bit the only two guys who stopped by to talk--not that I blame it, 'cause neither of 'em seemed like much fun. Headed upstairs pretty soon after that, anyway. Next time you think I need a babysitter, Kakashi, can I have one I don't have to carry everywhere? 'Cause crutches and rat-dog are not easy to manage.
There's a samurai action flick on TV right now. Those guys are pretty bad-ass. Bet none of them would've taken a fluffy rat as an excuse for a guard dog.
( Private )
I need to buy more lightbulbs.
|Subject:||[February 19] Public Service Announcement|
[Scene: The ANBU HQ cafeteria, 1830 hours. A table in the center of the room. A tall, dark-haired young man jumps up onto the table and whistles very loudly between his teeth. As conversation falls quiet:]
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Imagine most of you have prolly heard by now about the possibility of an ANBU porn video. Sorry to say that, due to budget constraints and high-level censorship, that film is not gonna happen. Actually I'm here to apologize for getting everyone all excited. Arakaki-san says that, uh, whatever we do in our free time is up to us and gods know he can't be held responsible for a bunch of hormonal teenagers, but if we besmirch the honor of Hokage-sama's elite squad--that's us, in case you didn't know; I didn't know we had honor, but apparently we do that too--by videotaping and selling our depraved indiscretions to the general populace, he'll personally hunt us down and feed us our own intestines. And that's pretty much a direct quote.
So that's my apology. My issue with this is that I never said it'd be official or ANBU or anything, just that people could contribute funds at ANBU HQ. Which I guess I should've been more specific, but anyway. There will not be an ANBU porn video. Whether there's one with some pals just getting it on--well, that's up to my investors to decide. Taking questions and contributions over in the corner!
[He grins, bows to the room at large, and jumps off the table.]
[backdated to January 19]
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I should've joined the betting pool in the mission office when I had the chance.
Shouldn't have spent all that last mission bonus losing to Ginta at poker. Because I totally would've bet on Genma and Raidou partnering outside of missions, and I would've been the first to produce evidence, and I would've won.
Ginta, I'm never playing poker with you again.
Until after I get my next paycheck.
|Subject:||Speaking of birthdays...|
|- April 7 -|
|You are adventurous and aggressive, always looking for something that will make your heart race. You make all your decisions hastily and often get yourself into trouble.
Positive Traits:intelligent, ethical, analytical, photographic memory, intuitive
Negative Traits:overly introverted, eccentric, uncommunicative, selfishness, cynicism
'What does your Birthdate mean?' at QuizGalaxy.com
I totally defy all those negative traits.
Except possibly selfishness. And I'm not really sure about the "ethical" bit. Seeing as, y'know, I kill people for a living.
How does "analytical" match up with "make all your decisions hastily"? Maybe I think about 'em afterwards? This is usually true.
Also, they missed the bit about "stunningly good-looking."
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|Subject:||Out of the Loop|
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I'm startin' to think you really don't care after all. How come I had to hear it from Reiko down at the mission desk that Wednesday was your birthday? How come I didn't get invited?
Well, disregarding the fact that I been outta Konoha for the last week.
I'd've thought you'd be holding up the hallway, extorting presents out of everyone trying to get by.
[Private to Kakashi]
I'm...sorry. I haven't been trying to avoid you. Left your apartment about 0600 Saturday morning, and they hauled me up with a mission summons at 1300. I've been in Tea Country for the past six days. Just got back this morning.
Reiko told me Sadao killed himself the day after I left.
Um. Anyway. Hope you're doing well, and, uh... You owe me coffee. Or something.
[/Private to Kakashi]
DAMMIT. I was supposed to kill him. And like hell I'm gonna believe he offed himself--you trying to tell me he saw the error of his ways? One day after I left--dammit, that's no coincidence.
So why were they getting me out of the way?
|Subject:||[dated January 27]|
I'm still beating Raidou's statistics, but the margin is, uh, much slimmer this time. Still. If I die any time in the future, it's gonna be of boredom. Apparently ANBU don't get the really hot nurses. What happened to the perks of the job?
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Genma, Raidou, thanks. I'm kinda fuzzy 'bout some things there, but I do know what you did for
us me. I owe you.
Had one chakra healing session this morning, and get another this afternoon. Get released this evening, if all goes well. There's one perk to being ANBU, I guess. Medics aren't so stingy with their chakra. (Course, they agreed with me it'd be an awful shame to let my face scar.)
In the meantime, though, I got hours in bed and nothing to do. Sleeping gets kinda boring after three days. And they won't let me have coffe or pie or anything worth eating. Kotetsu and Kakashi were both right to be suspicious. Sugar-free green jello is clearly at the center of Water Country's latest terrorist scheme. I think my morale's slipped 20 points already, and I barely tasted the stuff!
Kakashi was gone when I woke up this morning. Did anyone see him leave the hospital? Did he get his clothes back? Do you have pictures?
[Private to Ginta]
D'you mind waiting on the movie another week or so? I got an idea, but it's gonna take some time and muscle to work out the kinks. I'll get back to you as soon as I've got news.
[/Private to Ginta]
[Private to Kakashi]
Take care of those hands, genius. Hope you're sleeping better.
[/Private to Kakashi]
I COULD SURE USE SOME VISITORS!
|Subject:||I should invest in citrus plantations|
I am AWESOME. Brilliant, undoubtedly. Genius, possibly. (Sensei would disagree, but Hyuuga're always full of it.)
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Anyway. Tsume, you'll be happy to hear my karma is totally balanced. I've gone through about a crate of oranges--and the morgue guys told me next time I came around had better be on the far side of never--but I've managed to run another jutsu at the same time as the Nikutai Tokasu and the Nikutai Hakai. Not sure I could do it at the same time as the Naizou Tokasu, but that one doesn't smell so bad anyway.
Just makes people vomit up their inner organs, and no, I swear I wasn't using it on you.
Not sure I'm gonna call it the Happy Citrus Jutsu, but it's a thought.
It still smells kinda like rotting oranges, but I think I'll have it down by next week. Not being able to work in the morgue is a problem, though. Somebody mentioned they have labs here at HQ. Wonder if I could get into one of them...
Anyone know the rules for getting into the labs here?
And is it scarier to melt people while smelling of oranges, or just kinda ridiculous?
|Subject:||Back on the Road Again|
So! Back and still alive, and all that jazz. Think I beat your statistics already, Namiashi-san. Two missions and not a scratch.
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Except for the one my partner gave me, and the brief case of hypothermia, but those don't count.
If Kakashi's got a sense of humor, it shows up at all the wrong times. But he's the one with the cold. Hah!
He's a decent guy, though. Wouldn't mind taking another mission with him, if it came up.
I dropped Konoe's dog tags in with the mission report. Mission office can decide what to do with 'em.
I think I'm gonna hit the showers for the next half of forever. And then spend the rest of eternity sleeping.
16 soldier pills in 4 days isn't a problem, is it?
|Subject:||Hard Rock and Cafe|
Used the signing bonus to pick up a nearly-new stereo after training today in the second-hand place down by the Korean barbecue. Rock. (Got a microwave and a mini-fridge, too, but they're not nearly as cool.) Store clerk said he didn't know when it'd come in, but I'm guessing they got it off some guy's effects sale after he kicked it. Dunno why they feel uneasy saying that to a ninja. Like I'm gonna think the stereo's cursed, or something? If the guy next to me bites it on a mission, I don't think twice about taking his kunai when mine run low. Why'd his stereo be any different?
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And speaking of, that night-shift cook isn't too bad, after all. No pie on hand last night, but he promised there'd be some at breakfast this morning. And whaddya know, he kept his word.
Apple, too. I dunno where all the rumors started about the cafeteria food. From where I'm sitting, that pie was pretty damn good.
( Tousaki Ryouma, 010950 )
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