[Scene: The ANBU HQ cafeteria, 1830 hours. A table in the center of the room. A tall, dark-haired young man jumps up onto the table and whistles very loudly between his teeth. As conversation falls quiet:]


Imagine most of you have prolly heard by now about the possibility of an ANBU porn video. Sorry to say that, due to budget constraints and high-level censorship, that film is not gonna happen. Actually I'm here to apologize for getting everyone all excited. Arakaki-san says that, uh, whatever we do in our free time is up to us and gods know he can't be held responsible for a bunch of hormonal teenagers, but if we besmirch the honor of Hokage-sama's elite squad--that's us, in case you didn't know; I didn't know we had honor, but apparently we do that too--by videotaping and selling our depraved indiscretions to the general populace, he'll personally hunt us down and feed us our own intestines. And that's pretty much a direct quote.

So that's my apology. My issue with this is that I never said it'd be official or ANBU or anything, just that people could contribute funds at ANBU HQ. Which I guess I should've been more specific, but anyway. There will not be an ANBU porn video. Whether there's one with some pals just getting it on--well, that's up to my investors to decide. Taking questions and contributions over in the corner!


[He grins, bows to the room at large, and jumps off the table.]